Awful Shorts #1: Write the most messed-up piece of children’s literature
One day, two of my flatmates and I were watching Black Books. One of those flatmates (Flatmate #1) said that we should have a short story competition. The rules:
1) The story must be written within five minutes
2) It must be no longer than 250 words
3) It must be as messed up as you can make it
And so, Awful Shorts was born, a weekly competition in which the three of us attempt to write the most horrific short story we can in five minutes. This week’s theme was children’s literature; click inside to read the entries and find out who won.
Disclaimer: This is not like my normal writing; it’s just a bit of fun.
A princess lives in a tower guarded by a fearsome dragon. The dragon terrorises her day and night, keeping her locked up in chains as he whips her with his long, serpentine tail. One day, the princess decides she quite likes the dragon’s treatment, and wants a lot more of it. Together they spent the rest of their days basking in the fifty shades of the dragon’s grey scales.
Flatmate #1’s Entry:
There once was a young lizard which lived in a skip. The skip was not homely or fluvial, but alas, it was Colin’s residence. Colin has had a checkered past. A lizard whose life leaves nothing to the imagination. Your average lizard.
So why reside in a skip you ask? Colin is a benefit fraud.
Colin lived in a council house on Priory Road with the other local skanks. However the HM Revenue and Customs cottoned on to his sea of lies when he claimed £6000 for a diamond butt plug to feed his youngest son food. A son later found to have died of cot death.
Colin lost his house, average Vauxhall Zafira and job at Enterprise Rent A Car, a company with an excellent corporate structure who give you the tools to be your own boss, and now seeks the sweet release of death in his sleep from an overdose on whatever drug he can get his hands on. Or whichever used tampon he can asphyxiate/drown himself with.
Winner: Flatmate #2’s Entry:
My dog brought back a new toy. We went to the park and played. I threw it. Everyone screamed.
“What’s a foetus?” I asked. I then woke up in dad’s basement where he keeps mum. I realised I’d had his special pills again.
I don’t have a dog.
We voted for Flatmate #2’s entry as the winner; which do you think should have won?