Now My Wings Fit

Even Though I Made Him Up, He Must Decide

There comes a time in
every young girl’s life when she
must decide whether
she would prefer to go to
Hogwarts or St Trinian’s.


Ode to Those Who Wave Phones Instead of Lighters

Because who said the
light of 80,000 phones
can’t be beautiful
in the same way as the light
of 80,000 candles?

An Unpopular Opinion or I’ll Fight You On This

“A Diet Coke, please.”
“Is Pepsi Max okay?” “Yes.
Because it’s better.”

This Haiku May Or May Not Have Been Written By Alex Vause

The only thing more
dangerous than straight girls is
fictional straight girls.

Think About It

Want to see the height
of capitalism? Try
a greetings card shop.

Guess What I Saw At the Weekend?

Will I ever get
the jukebox in my head to
stop playing Meatloaf?

Steam Summer Sale

I’d like to be good
at Fallout: New Vegas, but
I am constantly
treading on frag mines and I
can’t aim for fucking toffee.

First World Period Problems

“I see you are not
wearing a pad; I think I’ll
bleed all over your
knickers. … I see you’re wearing
a pad; I will stop bleeding.”


I’m all for wearing
things that aren’t jeans when it’s hot,
but, oh! the wedgies!

Where Are the Tissues?

Is this hay fever?
Am I allergic to the
cats? Or maybe both?

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